Weekend in Orange County

We have had 11 foals so far on the ranch and are trying to stay caught up with them so they don’t get too wild. There are another 9 mares due to foal in the next month.

I spent the weekend with Rosie and Cameron in Orange County. This time I flew down. It was pretty painless, since I didn’t buy the ticket and didn’t have to drive the 6 hours south.

The excuse was that I had offered to play at the schools of Rosie’s nieces and nephew and the Kindergarten teacher of niece, Tiana, was very interested in having me come sing for her kids. This was the time to do it, since school was coming to an imminent halt for the summer.

Rosie picked me up at the airport and we meandered our way to Laguna Beach.

We walked on the beach, sat on a rock looking out at the ocean and avoiding getting swept away by the waves, which I did a little better than my daughter. I reminded her of the “Never turn your back on the ocean” speech and we moved a bit back. I think she was thinking I could’ve been bit more enthusiastic in encouraging her to move out of the way of that wave.

We talked for a long time. I enjoyed sitting in this beautiful setting talking with my favorite person. It was all the more enjoyable due to the presence of a photographer and her model taking advantage of the “golden hour” lighting.

Rosie told me that she didn’t swim and I told her that I didn’t either, not that I couldn’t, but that it was hard work. I grew up with a pool in our back yard, which I spent a great deal of time in. I told her how difficult it was for those of us who have little body fat to keep us afloat. We are just denser! Hmm there isn’t a whole lot of Rosie to be dense, though. Once, a friend who did Wat-Su, water massage, offered to do a session with me in her well-heated pool and later told me that she almost drowned trying to keep me afloat. It was the hardest session she’d ever had!

I could easily see that the woman having her photos taken, did not have the same difficulty. She was well-suited for the activity they were engaged in and could probably stay afloat without too much difficulty. There were some costume changes, which, unfortunately, occurred while my attention was riveted on my conversation with Rosie.

We gave up our perch on the rock to a couple having their portraits done and walked back down the beach to look for dinner. We continued our conversation on the deck of a comfortable French restaurant near the beach.

Rosie let me know that my school performance would only be Tiana’s class and so my concern about the space for the singing was minimal.

Rosie had wanted to practice the songs we were going to be singing for the picnic on the 28th for her congregation. She was resistant to actually doing it and it took a little coaxing to find out why that was. She did tell me that she was concerned about measuring up . . . worried that I wouldn’t like the way she sang, worried that she wouldn’t be able to write with me. I tried to assure her that she only had to be herself to be good enough for me. Her mere existence was all I required, the rest was gravy! I love the way she sings. She sounds like no one I have heard . . . and to me that shows a lot. I love the idea of watching her unfold and bloom as she comes into owning her voice and her presence. She says that she is surprised that people ask her to sing. She acquiesces because it gives them joy, but she is uncomfortable about it. I like that she is conscious of it.

We did get some practicing accomplished . . . it was hardly work. I love rehearsing and creating parts, at least as much as performing them. Often, the performance can be disappointing, but the rehearsal is full of promise and the unknown. Amazing things happen in that space where you feel free to try things out. I love the times when that happens onstage. I read something that Dick Cavett wrote recently about Groucho Marx saying that those times when you are truly euphoric in performance are rare. He said maybe a half a dozen times in a career.

Rosie seemed to have become more comfortable about singing with me. It seemed to be that initial hesitation that we had to overcome. The singing went great!

We had been meaning to finish up the melody for “Empty Room”. I wanted to do it with Rosie so that it would be a melody that she was comfortable singing and so she would feel like she had some say in what it would be.

We got some good work done. I inputted the chords into one of the programs on my computer so that Rosie wouldn’t be hampered by my changing the chords on the guitar every time I played the song, as I am want to do. I had the chords pretty much set by the time I went downstairs in the morning and we played with singing along to the computer. Parts of the melody started to solidify. I plugged my computer into her digital piano, after some effort, and began playing with the shape of the melody. The song was beginning to take up residence in my conscious mind and that meant that the tune was taking form and before that happened I wanted to get Rosie’s input.

I played with it until it was time to go to Tiana’s school. We arrived to a parking lot full of parents picking up and dropping off. Rosie dropped me off and went in search of the Kindergarten Room, which to my mind was going to be in the general vicinity of the sign on the fence which said Kindergarten. I was correct.

Children congealed until we were ready to get started, though Tiana wasn’t yet there. She usually goes in the morning and was coming back to school for the singing.

We had fun, Rosie got to see what I do (at least with Kindergarteners). The teachers were appreciative and understood what I was doing. Hopefully, their enthusiasm will translate into the school scheduling performances next school year.

We went out to lunch with Cameron’s mother and sisters and their friend Huntyr. I got back to working on the melody when we got home. That evening, Rosie’s friends Sarah and Clarisa came over and we watched a film that Rosie had told me about, “August Rush”. It was a film about a young boy who had been raised in an orphange and went in search of his parents. They were all musicians and the music was what eventually brought them together. It was a powerful film for me to watch . . . the best kind!

I liked many elements of the film and resonated with much of it. I was grateful that Rosie shared it with me.

The next morning we sat down and sang along to the chords I had been working with. Rosie sang her part and that was a piece I needed. I wanted to hear how she interpreted the melody into the chords. I could change the chords, if need be, but I wanted to hear what melody she would hear.

I savored the moment as she listened to the recording of her voice against the instruments the computer had provided. It was an rough instrumental sketch, but a valid one. I wondered how she would feel about her singing, whether she might be too self-conscious to hear how great it sounded. I was happy to hear she liked it!

We decided to each sing what she had written, rather than writing more verses. I put a key change in before my verse to make it more comfortable to sing and also to give the listener something different. I wasn’t able to get my vocal recorded on the most recent update of the chords, so we agreed that I would do it at home and send Rosie some versions to sing with.

We went to the service at the Kingdom Hall and I was greeted by many of the people I had met on my last visit. The talk was given by Bill Hamilton, who had given the talk on my previous visit. I was told later that was very unusual because the speakers are on a rotating basis and usually only give one or two talks a year, but Bill was substituting for someone else. It was good to become familiar with him, as he is someone both Rosie and Cameron have deep affection and respect for. It was apparent that he feels the same about them. Bill and I made a point to get together to talk on my next visit.

We went to pizza with Cameron’s sisters and Tiana, and then Cameron and I went out to attack some little white balls with long skinny sticks. We were not completely unsuccessful. It was more fun than I had anticipated. We were joined by a very nice couple who were a bit more successful and knowledgeable about such things than we were. All in all it was a quite enjoyable time and Cameron and I got to spend some time together. I am sure we shall do more of it.

It was a short night. I had a 7:00am flight out of Long Beach, so I was up at 4:00. It was an easy trip to the airport and by 10:00 I was back out on the ranch working with the babies.

Santa Maria

To keep our connection fresh, Rosie and I decided to meet halfway between our homes. As luck would have it, her Gramma Teri and Papa Dick live in Santa Maria and offered their house to us as our meeting place.

I drove the 3 hours down Hwy 101, realizing that, if it was halfway, it was about the same distance as driving down Hwy 5. Other than the novelty of driving a route that I don’t normally take, There wasn’t much to recommend taking Hwy 5. I have always enjoyed 101. The landmarks fall just about in the right places. King City is about an hour out, San Luis Obispo is about 2 hours out, Santa Barbara always feels do-able from San Luis, and Santa Barbara is way over the hump . . . and just about there.

I made better time than I had anticipated, so I stopped at a team roping event in SLO, thinking that the fellow I board my horses with might be competing there. I watched briefly, took a few photos and after a quick perusal of the horse trailers parked out in the field, I didn’t immediately see anyone I knew, so I figured it was time to get back on the road.

Rosie had given me directions to her Grandmother’s and they worked! I arrived to the welcome of Rosie, and Gramma Teri and Papa Dick, Rosie’s mom’s father.

Melissa and Cynthia, two of their three other daughters and their families were soon going to be arriving to meet with “Rosie’s Dad”. The first group included Rick, Cynthia’s husband, Kevin and T.J., a couple of young guitar playing relatives. We played for each other and Rosie and I sang a song for them. We played them the latest version of “There’s A Light In You”, from the CD I made for Rosie of the new recording project.

Don and Rosie’s Aunt Melissa arrived and then her Aunt Cynthia. We ate tacos and strawberries and talked.

It was good to meet more of the people who have been a part of Rosie’s story. Gramma Teri is one of a kind. She is intelligent, observant, outspoken and a little used to getting her way, I suspect. Though she probably doesn’t think so. She has been a great asset in this adventure. I am grateful for the support she has offered.

We went for a walk and watched the sun set out towards the ocean we knew was out there. Our conversations have been deep and meaningful. I value them very highly and look forward to many more. She asks me questions and I tell her as much of the truth as I think I know. I’m not too sure what to do about the parts I think I don’t know.

I was hoping to read something to Rosie, because I love to read aloud. We went into room and closets in search of Winnie the Pooh, which would have been my first choice. My mother read them A.A. Milne books to me when I was very young, as did Rosie’s. They hold a dear place in my heart. Reading those lines to my daughter would be intoxicating.

We were not able to come up with any Winnie, but almost simultaneously, came up with an alternative in Mark Twain. The writings of Samuel Clemens have been an important influence in my thinking and writing and I was surprised to hear that Rosie enjoyed him as well.

I read “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County”, noting to Rosie that my Dad’s father, her great-grandfather, Thomas Henry Reid jr, was born in Angels Camp.

I enjoyed reliving the Twain story, it always seems fresh, though I know I’ve heard the words many times. I remember going to the Jumping Frog contest in Angels Camp with some friends sometime in high school. I wasn’t sure if Rosie was able to stick with me. I know that my voice can have a tendency to put people to sleep. Not in a bad way. I’m usually complimented by it. She got through the jumping frog, but we bit off a bit more than we could chew in the “Corruption of Hadleyburg”. By the time I looked to see how many pages we had left, I realized I never would’ve started, had I known. I must admit that now I am going to have to go back and find the story so that I can see how it does end.

We stayed up way too late, as we tend to do.

There’s just never a good time to let sleep intrude on this wonderful dream we are living!

Leaving Rosie’s

Our last day!

On Monday, we drove around the area to see if there was somewhere I might be interested in living so that Rosie and I could be closer. There are many horse facilities in the area and plenty of places to ride. That part seemed compatible. We rode through the canyons and they seemed funky enough that I might find neighbors I might resonate with. There are kids, schools. It is certainly an exciting possibility.

This experience has given me an opportunity to assess my current life and to reorder my priorities. I am not yet sure how things will look when I have finished, but I do know that things will not be the same.

My life here on the ranch has become comfortable in terms of knowing my job and feeling confident in my abilities. I have developed a little bit of a reputation here. I would certainly miss all of the horses, but that is not a reason to stay. It is an unending cycle here and there will never be a good time to leave. The upcoming crop of foals will send a wave through the ranch.

My visit with Rosie has been a time of deep conversations and little sleep. Waking in the middle of the night with my mind churning. Looking for the significance of events. I have gotten to know my daughter better and am looking forward to a life in connection and in support.

I am energized by the healing that others seem to be doing as a result of our story. It seems that there are many others with stories that are resonating with ours. It feels good to see others taking the opportunity for healing. I know that there can be pain involved in that healing, but I do believe that it is worth what is on the other side.

I have had the easiest seat in all of this. Rosie, her mother, her siblings, Cameron, all have a more difficult adjustment. It can’t be easy to suddenly have someone, who is intimately involved in your life, experience such an intense reevaluation of their identity.

There are likely to be missteps by each of us. There will be much opportunity for misunderstanding, as there will be opportunity for understanding. There is certainly the opportunity to dwell upon what might have been. I find it helpful to remember what my horse friend, Richard Winters, says about it being okay for the horse to look at something, but it’s not okay for it to stare. It tends to lead to problems.

Rosie and I have the opportunity to build a bridge between our religious beliefs. I am willing to keep an open mind. I hope to understand her beliefs. I intend to honor them, even though I may not share them. It is part of my religious upbringing that everyone has the right to freedom of belief. We live in a country that was founded upon that principle, though it seems to be in disarray. I believe that this is one of the messages of our story. I believe that we can be a model for acceptance of religious differences. I may be overly optimistic, but it is my hope.

I am thankful to everyone who has been supportive in this process. I know that we will have need of your hopes and prayers as we move through this story. There is still more joy, more pain to come, I’m sure. We will have many opportunities to try to untangle the ball of emotion that has been winding for the past 36 years as events are re-understood.

Rosie is weaving a new identity, a new family into the old. Things that she thought she knew, she knows differently.

I have no experience walking the ground she is walking. I can only try to be there when I am needed, to offer my perspective and love.

Sunday!

I’ve got to get to writing about this while it’s still in my mind.

We had spent long hours talking the night before and revealed some intimate thoughts and feelings to one another. It was good, open, honest communication. I was honored to have Rosie be so candid and to know that she wanted the same from me. She was respectful of my privacy, but let me know what she wanted to know about.

 
As anyone who has read her blog knows, Rosie is very intelligent, and perceptive. I have enjoyed the quality of our conversations very much. It is like we have known each other for a long time. It feels as though we don’t just finish each other’s sentences, we think each other’s thoughts. It is eerie!

Sunday morning, Cameron was off to work a motocross event at Angels’ Stadium for the day. He was a pretty big time motocross champion in his younger days.

After a morning of deep conversation, I took the dogs for a walk, trying to try out my horse skills on these “predators” to see what the difference was. There wasn’t much. I felt that I could transfer a lot of my knowledge to dogs, if I kept my mind awake. On our walk, my mind was mostly kept awake by the idea that I didn’t quite know where I was going. When I had walked with Rosie, we were doing a lot of talking and there wasn’t much that looked familiar. It turned out that we had covered a lot more ground than I had thought. I briefly thought about going back the way I came, but then figured, just how lost could I get? I had some landmarks.

I got back and it was getting on time to get ready to go to the Kingdom Hall. I knew that there would be a crowd of people wanting to meet me and I was eager to meet them. It was clear that this was a community of people who mean a great deal to Rosie and I was curious to see what they felt like.

I put on my new suit, courtesy of Cameron, and we had some left-over pizza and Cameron’s mother’s pumpkin pie with whipped cream for lunch.

We drove to the Kingdom Hall which is on Via Con Dios. This is the street in Santa Margarita on which all of the “churches” have been built. It is next to the Mormon temple. We entered and found our seats. I was greeted by several people whom I had met at Rosie’s on Thursday. The talk was given by Bill, a close friend of both Rosie and Cameron’s. His talk was on Forgiveness. It was a timely topic for Rosie as she has been struggling with it. I think his talk helped clarify some things for her. It certainly seemed helpful.

The second part of the service was a question and answer session about seeing others as Jehovah would see them. The gist was that rather than simply seeing faults, as we often do, Jehovah sees the whole of the person. That, if Jehovah can accept their participation in the community, those within the community might accept that they do not know the entire story, as only God can. It was an interesting idea. I can see how helpful that would be when people start judging one another in the community.

The leader of the discussion, would ask scripted questions and the congregation would raise their hands if they had an answer. Everyone was invited to participate. Children were treated as equals and it was encouraging to hear how seriously they took their participation.

After the discussion, a final song was sung and then we, informally, became center stage. Many people had been waiting to come over and introduce themselves and meet me and to tell me how much they thought of Rosie. Many had been reading the blogs and told me that they felt that they knew me already.

Each person was quite genuine and sincere in their joy for us. There were a few tears. I felt that I was awash in an ocean of Rosie’s friends. I felt valued. I felt quite touched and look forward to seeing the community again.

We got home and napped, which was getting to be a pretty solid part of our schedule. Cameron returned from his event and fixed an amazing dinner of pasta with scallops and fish. It was delicious. It would’ve been difficult to find a restaurant that served as good a meal.

After dinner we were looking for a film to watch and after attempting “The New World”, the Pocahontas/John Smith story done again, we settled on “Words and Music” the Drew Barrymore/Hugh Grant flick. it was actually quite cute and funny.

After the film Cameron went to bed and Rosie and I sat up and talked until late. I was planning to leave the next day and she was becoming wistful about that.