Leaving Rosie’s

Our last day!

On Monday, we drove around the area to see if there was somewhere I might be interested in living so that Rosie and I could be closer. There are many horse facilities in the area and plenty of places to ride. That part seemed compatible. We rode through the canyons and they seemed funky enough that I might find neighbors I might resonate with. There are kids, schools. It is certainly an exciting possibility.

This experience has given me an opportunity to assess my current life and to reorder my priorities. I am not yet sure how things will look when I have finished, but I do know that things will not be the same.

My life here on the ranch has become comfortable in terms of knowing my job and feeling confident in my abilities. I have developed a little bit of a reputation here. I would certainly miss all of the horses, but that is not a reason to stay. It is an unending cycle here and there will never be a good time to leave. The upcoming crop of foals will send a wave through the ranch.

My visit with Rosie has been a time of deep conversations and little sleep. Waking in the middle of the night with my mind churning. Looking for the significance of events. I have gotten to know my daughter better and am looking forward to a life in connection and in support.

I am energized by the healing that others seem to be doing as a result of our story. It seems that there are many others with stories that are resonating with ours. It feels good to see others taking the opportunity for healing. I know that there can be pain involved in that healing, but I do believe that it is worth what is on the other side.

I have had the easiest seat in all of this. Rosie, her mother, her siblings, Cameron, all have a more difficult adjustment. It can’t be easy to suddenly have someone, who is intimately involved in your life, experience such an intense reevaluation of their identity.

There are likely to be missteps by each of us. There will be much opportunity for misunderstanding, as there will be opportunity for understanding. There is certainly the opportunity to dwell upon what might have been. I find it helpful to remember what my horse friend, Richard Winters, says about it being okay for the horse to look at something, but it’s not okay for it to stare. It tends to lead to problems.

Rosie and I have the opportunity to build a bridge between our religious beliefs. I am willing to keep an open mind. I hope to understand her beliefs. I intend to honor them, even though I may not share them. It is part of my religious upbringing that everyone has the right to freedom of belief. We live in a country that was founded upon that principle, though it seems to be in disarray. I believe that this is one of the messages of our story. I believe that we can be a model for acceptance of religious differences. I may be overly optimistic, but it is my hope.

I am thankful to everyone who has been supportive in this process. I know that we will have need of your hopes and prayers as we move through this story. There is still more joy, more pain to come, I’m sure. We will have many opportunities to try to untangle the ball of emotion that has been winding for the past 36 years as events are re-understood.

Rosie is weaving a new identity, a new family into the old. Things that she thought she knew, she knows differently.

I have no experience walking the ground she is walking. I can only try to be there when I am needed, to offer my perspective and love.