The Song

I have just returned from another too quick trip to Orange County. On my first visit, Rosie had asked me if I would sing with her at her congregation’s picnic. She had been approached by one of the people organizing it. I told her any place, any time! I don’t know what she initially had in mind, but, as we explored songs that we might sing together, we considered singing “Empty Room”, the poem she had written to me that I had set to music.

I had been working on solidifying instrumental tracks for it at home, but it seemed that the song itself was still unfinished. It seemed that it needed a coming together of the voices at the end. The instrumental tracks were also helpful because every time I played it on the guitar I had a tendency to change the chords, which made it difficult to nail down a melody.

I had emailed a suggested “ending” to Rosie and she was enthusiastic about using it. She was anxious about our attempting to incorporate it into our upcoming performance, but I assured her we could do it, if we did our homework.

I drove down Thursday after working the horses . . . getting one of the yearlings ready to begin his new life. He was to be picked up on Friday and taken to his new home somewhere in the Central Valley and moving horses around to give some of the foals a little more room and to make room for the expected new arrivals. One arrived last night, another colt! That makes 13 foals all together.

I drove to Reseda the first night and stayed with my friend, Kim, and her family. I got in about 9:00 or so, and they fed me pizza and caught me up on their lives in the last 2 years. They have had health issues. Kim and I played a few songs together, which was as wonderful as ever.

I drove to Trabuco Canyon in the morning and got there about noon. Rosie was due to return in about an hour and wanted to take me to lunch. With Rosie, when she needs to eat, it is not a choice, but a necessity. We went to a place that was kind of a Persian deli. She was very familiar with the owners and wanted to take me there. I had a gyro. She made a point to tell the proprietor that I was her father, as she didn’t want to start any rumors. He said that I looked very young to be her father. I think so too!

We had a conversation about her health and I told her my concerns. She listened and agreed that she would make an effort to change her eating habits and avoid coffee. There are not many things that I would step in and insist on, but this was one. She can make her own choices once she has experienced what she feels like after making the changes. I don’t believe she has a desire to be miserable. I think she has accepted a status-quo that she didn’t know she had a choice about. Her nightmares, her troubled sleep, may be things that she can avoid.

We went shopping for groceries and I found some nine grain cereal that I wanted her to try having for breakfast as I was concerned about her health and her blood sugar issues. It is what I have been eating for breakfast for . . . maybe 30 years. It has worked well for me. I hope that it will work for Rosie. Having suffered due to the same problems, I couldn’t feel that I was doing my job as her father, and friend, if I didn’t share what I had learned. It was painful to see how it affected her health and her life. I knew what it felt like from her side of the mirror.

We found the cereal. While we shopped, I was enjoying just being with my daughter. It is like nothing else in my life. It is not unlike being in love, but in a different league. There is something about the connection that goes deep, without the fear of it vanishing.

That night we sang the songs we were considering singing and decided to sing my “Morning is Born From the Night” with the new verse I had written for Rosie, Michael Buble’s “Home” then and worked on the ending I had written for “Empty Room”. We had pretty much finalized the melody for the song, though we each interpret it differently. I think that adds to the character of the song. We sang the ending over and over, working to get it into our brains and muscle memory. Working to make the words stick together. In the morning, we recorded our ending onto the tracks I had made.

Lilly, one of Rosie’s sisters, who had returned two weeks ago from living in Australia, made her appearance. Her arrival had been imminent all day and I was wondering if she might be anxious about meeting me. Rosie had always told me that her sisters were beautiful, and I had seen their pictures, but it didn’t mean much until actually meeting them. Now I can hear what Rosie means when she talks about the value placed upon beauty in their household when she was growing up. It was indeed a presence.

I was very satisfied with the way the song sounded and with the way we sounded together. It was one of those times when everything just seemed to align . . . the lyrics, the voices, the music. It felt as though it had been written by someone else. Somehow it came through us, and it could have only come through us.

We were both anxious about our performance at the picnic. I felt better after making sure that the sound system was going to be adequate. We had gone by to scope out the situation on Friday, so I felt that I had an idea of what the environment was going to be.

We arrived early to deliver the five tasty pizzas that Cameron had made for the picnic and help set up the sound. Cameron had brought a generator, so that we could have electricity for the sound system.

Rosie and I were off practicing when the ceremonies for the picnic were begun. We were prepared as well as we could be, considering that the words were just solidified the day before. Rosie went off to be part of the gathering while I sat down with Tiana and sang some songs. We gathered a bit of a crowd. Tiana was enthusiastic and had shown that she had spent some time listening to “Mrs’ Murphy’s Chowder”. She was quite the expert. The other kids were awestruck!

We were going to be singing after another of the congregation members. He sang two songs and then it was our turn. Rosie gave the context of our performance. I said a little, generally about what the verses of “Morning Is Born” meant to me and how I had wanted to write verse for Rosie. The words to her verse are;

As I awaken in the dark of the night

Into a room that has lost all of it’s light

Rain on the desert is the dawn to my eyes

An unexpectedly rosy sunrise

We traded the lead on the song, I sang the verse and while Rosie sang the melody on the chorus and I sang harmony. On our second song “Home”, I accompanied Rosie’s singing on guitar. She did a great job, though I wish I could have sat back and listened.

Then it was time for “Empty Room”. I knew that it would be an emotional experience. I think I had focused upon the performance of the song so much that I forgot about the reality of performing something so emotionally charged in the environment we were in. It was an amazing intersection of feelings.

I have been surprised at how powerful our story has been for others. It has created opportunities for people to share their own stories and there are many out there. I feel so much richer having access to them. I am grateful to those who have chosen to share themselves. I am excited that our story has been a catalyst for others to find healing. I know also that it has been a painful reminder for others.

I introduced “The Empty Room” and told of how Rosie had sent the poem to me that second morning of our meeting and how, in response. I had sent it back to her. How she had written my words before I could think them . . . and so well!

We sang the song and we could see how touched people were by the experience. This daughter and father presenting this music they had co-created and then delivering it together. The power of our story and the beauty of our togetherness. I have had people cry often in my performances, but never to the extent of this one. It was a beautiful moment and one I will cherish. This community of people who have known Rosie, and who are so happy for her. Though they were not aware of this “Empty Room” they have become part of the story.

It was a rare opportunity to sing something so true in an environment which was so appropriate.

Rosie had been apprehensive about singing in public. This was a significant act on her part and she was doing it because of me. I am happy to be the excuse!

That night Rosie and Lilly (and Monica’s), brother, Johnny, and his girlfriend, Liz, came over for dinner. Rosie had made a very tasty meal of chicken and pasta and her death-by-garlic salsa. It was delicious! We watched some Youtube videos and then Rosie and I were up late talking. It is always difficult when the visit is winding down. We start thinking about not being together and missing each other before we are even apart. Silly, I know, but we do it!

Rosie seemed to have done pretty well on her first day without coffee . . . the cereal seemed to help, though it wasn’t quite the comfort for her that it is for me.

We went to their congregational gathering at midday and I had trouble staying awake. I think there was more of an emotional toll on Saturday, than I had acknowledged.

I needed to nap, if I was going to be making the 6 hour drive home. Rosie and I curled up on the couch and slept for a few hours . . . enough that I knew I wasn’t leaving, yet! I didn’t want to leave her and I figured I could take the day off, or maybe work in the afternoon. We had one more precious night and I am so glad that I stayed because it gave me the opportunity to hear Rosie and Lilly telling stories about their past. I got to know both of them better. It was refreshing to hear them talking with one another and to get more of a sense of what their family’s story was, at least from their perspective.

Rosie wanted me to read so she got out the Winnie the Pooh collection she had acquired, which relieved me as it had larger type than the other books and I was having difficulty locating my reading glasses.

I read the story about Piglet being surrounded by water. Rosie chose it. I liked her choice. When we were finished, Lilly said she had “never heard anyone read like that”. Thinking back now, I am not sure what she meant by that. I’ll have to ask.