I’m a Father!

My daughter, Rosie, and son-in-law, Cameron.

Today, I received a phone call that has changed me forever!

I didn’t hear the first call come in. There was a message from a woman who said that I was had had a big impact on her life and she had some music that I might be interested in hearing. Not an unusual call. It’s always a joy to hear that someone has valued my work.

I called back to say that I would be working in the morning, but would be off around noon. I called the number, and got the answering machine. I left a message and received a call back. She seemed a little hesitant and tentative, wondering if I might have heard of her, I asked how I might have heard of her and she didn’t quite know. She then asked if I had lived in Portland, Oregon, in 1971. I had, and told her so. She told me that her mother had left Portland after being involved with me briefly, and she had left pregnant. She was married and was separated from her husband at the time. There was some question about the paternity of the child, until she was born and then it was apparent that the child was mine. She was that child. She told me that her mother hadn’t wanted to tell me that she was pregnant, as she felt I was too young to deal with it. I was probably around 19 at the time.

I was absolutely floored!

This was something that I did not anticipate, although I certainly have created the possiblity. I had no recollection of her mother, but when she emailed me photos of herself, the resemblance was unquestionable!

She assured me that me wanted nothing of me, just to find out more about herself. She had fantasized about reconnecting with me, joked, as a child about me coming to get her and taking her away. She is now 36 and married and had found my website last night and decided to take the chance of connecting with me.

I can only imagine the anxiety of contacting a missing parent and facing the risk of being rejected by someone who is such a part of you. No, I guess I don’t have to only imagine it. I feel it as well. Perhaps, she won’t accept me!

We are blood and bone. We are family! She is my only child, (as far as I know! Apparently the status of this can change suddenly and unexpectedly!)

I have no words to express how amazed I am by this! How wonderful it is to be a father in this way.

There are so many things to share. We talked for a long time, though it could never seem long enough. I shared with her our family website. Showed her how she could connect with her grandmother’s blog. Showed her my blog. Told her a little about our family. Invited her to the family reunion in August. She asked if I would be willing to meet face to face and I told her anytime she wanted to, I was more than willing. I hope to see her very soon! She is checking on flights from Southern California to the Bay Area.

She told me that her mother had told her, when she was ten, that she had a different father than her two sisters. She told me that she never felt that she fit in, she would sing and make up songs and her family would make fun of her. She was the only musical one in the family. I told her that her grandmother and great grandfather were also musical.

I savored the conversation, and told her what a gift she had given me. That not having had a child, has been a sorrow for me. My life has included so many other people’s children and a few that I think of as my own, but no one who carries my blood. No one whom I look at and see myself. There is nothing like that in this world. She has given that to me.

I am thankful that she had the courage to reach out and take the risk of being rejected by me. I will reach out and take the risk of being rejected by her.

Her grandmother just called to see if it she could talk to her. It’s a big day for us all!