Big Day (Rosie Visits!)

Yesterday, I met my daughter, Rosie, for the first time! I only became aware of her existence the day before, and now, there she was before me! Standing in the pasture with my horses, meeting her grandmother, her uncle and cousins, looking into the mirror at the restaurant . . . at the two of us, together, at last!

We shared our music on the way up to Richmond. I was overcome by the reality of that. Playing recordings of our songs for one another and being able to discuss the music in a language that we could both understand.

She is an intelligent, beautiful woman, who I think, is only starting to understand who she really is. I can only imagine what it must be like for her. And what it must be like for her husband who has been married to her for 17 years. I’m looking forward to meeting him. He is attached to her as she undergoes this process. That can’t be easy. She, not really knowing what is happening, or what it all means. It must be difficult for him to be on the outside as she goes through what must be a solitary experience, at first. To see your fantasies and realities colliding in front of you . . . surrounding you. To have been disconnected from part of your identity for your entire life and then to be reconnected with it, must be exhilarating . . . and terrifying. Where is the ground? Everything that your life has been built on is seen in a new light. Though, to be sure, she has built a core self that has gotten her through these 36 years of life.

Ultimately, it must be a positive thing to know who you are. To find the truth of your existence. It is easy to see that someone might easily be shaken to the core when experiencing such an onslaught of information. I would be.

The love that I find in myself for her is difficult to describe. I had experienced something like it in bringing up Gretel and Ryen and Nicole, and my love for them is real. There is something so visceral about how I experience Rosie. I feel her to be part of me. I feel in her, my mother, my cousins. Her beauty is so familiar to me! There is something about her that says, “This is the woman that you have always known would be in your life, but the relationship is not what you expected!”

It is so wonderful that she would come into my life in a way that would be permanent. The bond is in bone, not just the heart!

It was very possible that I might have encountered someone that I could not talk to, who could not understand me. I know that family does not necessarily mean resonance on any other level. She sings, writes, dances . . . and she thinks largely. I am moved that these are things that are so central to MY core and they have shown up in her, despite growing up in an environment that was not comfortable with her talents.

The shock on her grandmother’s face when Rosie walked through her door was a sight to behold! They are built from the same blueprint! Rosie is the vehicle for those talents to move forward in the world.

I look forward to being a part of her adventure. I look forward to seeing who she is!

I get to be with her again today and I am moved to tears that I am able to receive that gift!